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How to Be a Horrible Songwriter: A Step-by-Step Guide

Are you tired of writing songs that people enjoy and connect with? Do you find yourself accidentally creating catchy tunes and heartfelt lyrics that resonate with your audience?

Well, worry no more!

This guide is for those who aspire to be the worst songwriters they can be. In the following steps, we’ll delve into the art of crafting truly terrible music. From ignoring your audience to embracing clichés, these tips will ensure your songs are as unappealing and cringe-worthy as possible.

So, grab your pen and paper, and let’s embark on a journey to songwriting mediocrity!

  1. Ignore Your Audience Completely: The first rule of being a terrible songwriter is to write only for yourself and disregard what your audience might enjoy. Make sure your lyrics are cryptic, inaccessible, and devoid of any relatable themes.
  2. Avoid Practicing: Who needs practice? Just wing it every time. Don’t bother honing your craft or learning from your mistakes. Repeating the same errors is a hallmark of the truly awful.
  3. Stick to Clichés: Fill your songs with the most overused clichés and hackneyed phrases. “Love is a battlefield,” “I’m lost without you,” and “You’re my sunshine” should be the cornerstones of your lyrical content.
  4. Copy Others: Originality is overrated. Why come up with your own ideas when you can just plagiarize popular songs? Change a word here and there to make it “yours.”
  5. Complicate Melodies and Rhythms Unnecessarily: Make your songs as complex and disjointed as possible. Use odd time signatures, jarring chord progressions, and melodies that are impossible to sing along with.
  6. Disregard Structure: Who needs verses, choruses, and bridges? Just throw a bunch of random lines together without any coherent structure. Your song should feel like a stream of consciousness with no direction.
  7. Use Poor Grammar and Spelling: Pay no attention to grammar, spelling, or punctuation. Let your lyrics be riddled with mistakes. It adds to the charm of being a horrible songwriter.
  8. Ignore Feedback: When people offer constructive criticism, dismiss it outright. You know best, and anyone who doesn’t appreciate your genius just doesn’t get it.
  9. Write Only When You Feel Like It: Inspiration is for the birds. Only write when the mood strikes, which should be as infrequent as possible. Consistency is the enemy of terrible songwriting.
  10. Embrace Negative Emotions: Make sure every song is filled with anger, sadness, and despair, with no resolution or hope. This will ensure your audience leaves feeling worse than they did before listening.
  11. Avoid Editing: Write your first draft and consider it done. Editing is a waste of time. Any raw, unfiltered thought should go straight into your final product.
  12. Overproduce or Underproduce: Either drown your song in excessive production effects or leave it as a poorly recorded demo. Balance is key to good songwriting, so make sure to avoid it at all costs.

There you go… By following these steps, you can be well on your way to being a truly horrible songwriter. Remember, the goal is to repel your audience and create the most unenjoyable music possible.

Happy writing!

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